Every one needs a guilt free break sometimes. Just a few hours (or more) to themselves, to just breathe and hear themselves think.
Especially mums.
I read somewhere lately that mums work for 98 hours a week on average.
That is much higher if you are a caregiving mum or a mother whose child doesn’t sleep through the night.
No wonder we are all exhausted and need a break.
When you think about the work load that we have – looking after children, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, ferrying the kids around to school, appoinments and different clubs etc – those things are all completely separate jobs you could be paid for.
Yet mum’s do it all.
So yes, a break would be nice.
It’s okay to admit you want a break
The last 7 months have been very hard going over here – if you follow us on instagram you will probably have seen that Anest had major hip surgery back in November 2024 and it’s been very hard and slow going to get back to ‘normal’.
A thought that has been popping up in my brain repeatedly is ‘I need a break’ and I am very aware that I am skirting very close to burning out.
Which nobody wants.
My family are all getting together this weekend for James and I to go away for a couple of nights, and I know we are lucky because a lot of families don’t get that.
It is very needed though.
Let’s talk mum guilt
Usually, ‘I need a break’ is accompanied by a huge amount of mum guilt.
Guilt that you thought it.
The guilt about even thinking that you need a break.
Guilt that you’d be leaving your children for any amount of time.
Actually asking someone to look after your children also brings it’s own side of guilt.
There is a lot of guilt.
The thing that is important to remember is that if you are in a stage where you really need a break, you need to take a break before YOU break.
It’s all well and good letting the mum guilt win, but if you don’t listen to what your body and mind need, things just get worse.
Motherhood becomes harder.
You are risking burnout.
The things you were coping with, suddenly become that little bit harder to cope with.
So just take the break.
Why do we feel mum guilt?
Mum guilt comes from the feeling like you aren’t doing quite a good enough job with parenting and because of the pressure of being a ‘perfect’ mum.
It can make you feel like you are not doing things right or you should be doing better.
Did you know that feeling guilt as a mum is normal?
Everyone feels mum guilt.
It’s important not to let it take over though.
Your needs are more important than your mum guilt.
We can feel mum guilt because we think motherhood should be done in a certain way.
Maybe we feel that others are judging us if we do certain things and that can trigger off mum guilt.
You might worry that taking a break means you are not a good mum (and that others will think that too) – but that just isn’t true.
Like that Jodi Picoult quote goes – ‘The very fact that you worry about if you are a good mum, means that you already are one’.
Taking a break will make you a better mother
It is very hard to be the mum that you want to be when you are pouring from empty and need a break.
That doesn’t mean you are not being a good mum.
It just means that instead of giving 100% into motherhood, you are giving 30% (or less maybe).
It’s hard to be the happy and fun mum when you just need a bit of time to yourself.
The thing you might not have realised is that it is normal to need a break as a mum.
You wouldn’t question someone needing a break from any other job, and motherhood is full on all of the time, there is no 5pm clock off every day.
So stop beating yourself up for needing a break.
It’s normal.
Taking care of yourself is a part of taking care of your kids.
It’s impossible to be the mother you want to be if you are running on empty and not taking care of yourself.
If you are a parent carer then you definitely need a break because care giving is a lot and we are very high risk of burning out.
Think about another person needing a break
I imagine if someone said to you, ‘I am really overwhelmed and stressed out and tired, I just need a break’ you would encourage her to take one.
You’d be able to see that a break would be the best thing for her.
You wouldn’t even consider that needing that break meant she was any less of a mum or think negatively about her at all for needing a break.
You would feel compassion and empathy and you would want to help.
It’s a lot easier to do these things for other people than us.
We are very hard and judgemental on ourselves.
Everyone is allowed a break – you included.
If you are struggling with being negative towards yourself because you need a break, think about what you would encourage your best friend to do if they told you they needed a break.
Start small
If mum guilt is too strong for you to even think about going away for the night.
Try going for a long day out.
If that is too much, try an afternoon or a morning.
Ask someone to watch your kids, or go while they are in school and ask someone to be there for school pick up or to be on stand by to pick up your kids if the school rings with an issue.
If that is too much, just start with an hour or two.
In that hour, or however long, actually take a break – going to Tesco doesn’t count.
Running errands doesn’t count.
Have an actual break.
How to stop those mum guilt feelings in their tracks
Feeling mum guilt is normal.
It’s something that everyone feels and the goal isn’t to get rid of it completely but to stop it taking over.
When that mum guilt pops up, acknowledge how you feel.
‘I feel guilty I am leaving the kids tonight to go out’
‘I feel guilty I am going away without the kids over night’
Acknowledge how you feel.
You are allowed to feel things, not just the positive things.
Then gently follow up with the reminder that self care is important for you to be the mum you want to be.
Taking a break is more than okay, it will make you feel like you again, and that is only going to be a good thing for everyone around you.
It’s okay to want some time to yourself.
It’s time to let go of being the perfect parent.
Everyone wants breaks and needs time to themselves.
If you are struggling and the mum guilt is just too strong, have a chat with a professional who can help you with this.
I honestly do get it, for my birthday two years in a row, James and the kids have made me a voucher for me to go away for a night or two on my own, and while I really want to go – the mum guilt is a bit too strong on it, but I WILL go.
Watch this space.
Are you guilty of letting the mum guilt stop you from taking a break?
Let me know.
Beth x
