If you feel you are struggling to keep your home calm when life is overwhelming, this post shares simple, realistic ways to create a calm home that supports you.
Life has been really busy lately, and when life gets busy and starts to feel overwhelming our home tends to be the thing that tips us over the edge.
The laundry starts piling up very quickly, the to-list is suddenly longer than ever and it feels like we are constantly trying to catch up but life is so busy we just keep falling further behind.
If you are a mum and this sounds like you, it’s important you remember that this doesn’t mean you are failing.
It means that life is busy and maybe our home isn’t set up to give us the support that we need.
Having a calm home isn’t going to solve everything, but it is going to help us feel like we are coping better with everything because life will feel a little bit calmer and more manageable.
So having a calm home is a good place to start.
Why everything feels so hard right now
The thing with motherhood, even when there isn’t that much extra going on – it can still be overwhelming.
We have so much to do and so much to think about that it’s no wonder that we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed.
The mental load of motherhood is extremely high. It’s non-stop.
Making sure that everyone’s needs are being met as well as everything else that’s going on, as well as thinking about your own needs takes a lot of mental energy.
If you are a caregiving mum, there is the unpredictability of not knowing what one day to the next is going to be like and it all carries a high emotional load.
While our home isn’t going to fix all of these things, it should be a place where we feel like we escape to and don’t want to escape from.
When life just gets really busy and chaotic and maybe we have a lot of appointments or whatever else we have going on, coming home or being home should feel like taking a deep breath.
When we are overwhelmed or have a lot going on, we tend to not look after ourselves quite a well as we should be and when our stress levels are high it does mean that our ability to cope well decreases.
The very time we want it to be firing fully – it’s lower.
A good example of this is when we are tired, if we don’t have enough sleep one night and the next day a few stressful things happen it can seem awful – maybe we get upset or annoyed.
If those same things happened on a night where you had a really good sleep, then they don’t seem quite as bad. We cope with them better.
That is how it is when our stress levels are too high and we aren’t looking after ourselves as well are we should be can feel like.
This means that when life is a lot, the mess and clutter in our homes can feel completely overwhelming.
We feel like we can’t keep on top of things because there is just so much to do and no time to do it.
The thing to remember is that it isn’t the clutter or the mess itself that is making you feel overwhelmed – it is the constant demand on your energy and attention to do something about it when you already do not have enough time or physical or mental energy because life is already very busy.
When we are emotionally, physically and mentally overwhelmed, even the smallest of messes can seem very loud and overwhelming.
Feeling like usually means that we have decision fatigue too, so even making a decision about what to tackle first can just seem like way too much.
So we don’t do anything.
Having rhythms and routines in place that can help you keep up with your home is going to help you feel less stressed and less pressure because you get to feel like these things are under control.
Having less stuff in your home is going to reduce your stress levels so much and your ability to cope is going to go way up too.
You deserve a calm home that is supportive of your life.
Our homes feel overwhelming when the systems that we have don’t match our real life.
This isn’t about having a magazine-ready perfect home, this is about having a home that we can escape to at the end of the day, that feels calm and supportive and like a sanctuary.
What is a calm home?
A calm home is going to look different to everyone.
A calm home doesn’t mean a perfect, spotless, minimally aesthetic home – it means a home that works for you.
Your idea of a calm home and my idea of a calm home could be completely different.
And that is okay – it’s kind of the point.
Our bedroom is very minimal on purpose. I like how calm it feels in there and it is my place to escape to in the house when everything is a bit loud and a bit much.
If our eldest daughter sleeps in there for whatever reason, she always complains that she feels uneasy in such a minimal space and calm for her means being surrounded by more things.
Her calm and my calm are not the same thing.
What is calm home is, is more about how your home feels and the effects it has on your stress levels.
Ideally a calm home is one that is easier to keep on top of and to manage on a day to day basis.
Nobody wants to spend their entire day cleaning and tidying up, so the less stuff we have in our homes, the less there is to clean and the less there is to do.
This doesn’t mean you have to go minimal and only own about 100 things (this is an actual thing btw), but it does mean getting rid of the things you don’t want or like and only keeping the things that you do really love/need.
I would say just have the things you love, but there is a lot of things I don’t really love in the house – like my laundry basket or an oven tray – but I do kinda need them.
Having less things means less piles, less decisions to make and less things constantly asking for our attention.
We want our calm home to feel like somewhere that we can recover and recharge from.
Somewhere we can process everything that is going on in our life and bring our stress levels down.
We don’t want our home to make our stress levels go up!
Calm homes are going to look different for every family. What your family needs isn’t going to look the same as everyone else’s.
What does a calm home mean for me?
As a caregiving mum, I know that I need our home to work with me and not against me.
When I have a long day of appointments or if there is something big going on, I don’t want to come home and just feel completely stressed out, I want to come home to a place that feels calm, somewhere I feel like I can take a deep breath and process everything and recharge myself.
I want to know that if something unexpected happened, if we had to go to hospital unexpectedly for a few days, that the house wouldn’t be completely chaotic after it.
That when I got my hospital bag ready to go, I knew where everything was, all the clothes I needed weren’t in the wash and I wasn’t scrambling around even more stressed out than I already was.
Having a calm home for me also means having a little bit less furniture so we have more open spaces to make it easier for Anest to get around in her wheelchair, and having the equipment and things we need here to make life easier for Anest.
That may not be what a calm home looks like for you, so work out what it is that makes you feel stressed out in your home and that’s a good place to start.
Where to start with having a calm home
The best place to start with getting a calmer home is to declutter and to have less stuff.
Less stuff means less mental load and overwhelm.
Not only does having too much stuff make us feel overwhelmed from the visual noise as well as knowing we have to constantly tidy up and do things – it makes the routines we create harder to actually stick to.
Which adds to the overwhelm.
As tempting as it is to overhaul our entire lives and fix everything in one go…we have got to start small.
The aim is long-lasting change, not something that only works for a few weeks and then we are back to square one again.
We are already overwhelmed, we don’t need to make it worse!
If every week or every day or twice a week- or whatever you feel that you have the capacity for – we make a small change, then all of a sudden in a month or so life is going to be completely different.
My advice here is to choose ONE space to focus on at a time – the bathroom or the bedroom or just the coat cupboard etc.
If you have a lot of clutter, you have hardly any time or you are finding the entire thing way too overwhelming start even smaller.
So instead of doing the entire bedroom, you do the bedside table one day, then the next day you do the other bedside table then the next you do the wardrobe, then under the bed etc.
As tempting as it may be to declutter the entire house in one go – don’t do it.
A calm home starts with one small change not a complete overhaul.
Simplifying, even just a little bit, makes a huge difference to our stress levels and our feel-good hormones too.
Do a little experiment, check in with how you feel before you declutter that bedside table (or whatever area) and then check in again after you have finished.
I bet you have that smug little pleased feeling everytime you look at it or open a drawer and see how better it all looks.
This is exactly the sort of dopamine we need!
We need to simplify before we organise
Organising and decluttering are not the same thing.
Organising is ultimately just moving the clutter around to make it look a bit better.
Getting rid of those things you don’t want or need is going to make your space look more organised instantly, it will make it easier to find things and it will mean you need to buy less storage boxes etc.
Decluttering first means that those areas we organise actually stay organised.
What room should I start in?
Starting something is always the hardest part.
If you don’t know what room you should start in – start with the bathroom.
The bathroom is a good place to start because we only have so much stuff in there and most things in there are not going to have sentimental value which makes it easier to let go of them.
Or start with the area that is causing you the most daily stress.
How long should I declutter for?
This is up to you!
10-15 minutes is a good amount of time to have decluttered a small area, e.g. bedside table.
If you do a bedside table and feel like you want to do the other one etc- then go for it – just don’t do the entire house in one go.
A good rule to have is if it’s going to take over an hour to put everything away then that is the absolute maximum you should do.
Otherwise it becomes a huge chore, we stop enjoying and we lose momentum.
So aim for 10 minute-ish smaller areas and just do a couple of those small areas if you feel like you want to do a little bit more.
And if you start decluttering something and for whatever reason you are finding it too hard for whatever reason – you are too tired, or it’s just too overwhelming today or you are just not feeling it – it’s absolutely okay to leave it and come back to it another day.
I am going to do a more detailed post on decluttering soon, so watch this space for that!
Create rhythms and routines that work for you
Routines may not sound like the most fun thing in the world, but they help so much in stopping us from becoming very overwhelmed and help to keep our homes and lives a lot calmer.
Typically when we think of a routine we think of it being a rigid thing that we have to follow perfectly for it to work, but life with kids definitely isn’t like that and we need a more flexible routine – or a rhythm if you will.
If you have tried following other peoples routines before to keep on top of everything and just felt pressured and like you are failing trying to keep up with it – it’s not you.
A routine has got to work with your life, and as amazing as the person’s routine is that you are following, it works so well for them because it’s been designed to work with their life – and that doesn’t mean that it will work for yours.
Then if we do manage to stick to the routine, even though it feels harder than it should, when life happens – which it will – we can’t stick to the routine anymore and we feel like we have failed.
A routine or rhythm has got to fit your life and your family, otherwise it just will not work.
A calm home needs a rhythm to help keep things running smoothly and to keep things, well, calm.
Having a rhythm in places is going to help you because all of the those things that are in your head about what you need to do around your house like that you need to clean the oven, or you can’t remember the last time you mopped your floor – those things no longer need to stay there.
With a routine you know that on a Thursday you mop the floor so it’s all under control.
If there are lots of appointments going on, or life is busy and on one Thursday you have to miss mopping the floor – that’s okay because you can do it next Thursday.
Just having a routine in place takes the pressure off.
The secret to a rhythm is to not try and make it rigid.
Saying at 11.30am on Thursday mornings I mop the floor just isn’t going to work.
It’s adding pressure that doesn’t need to be there, and it’s inevitable that something will come up and stop that happening at exactly 11.30am.
Whereas giving it open space means that you are able to fit it in somewhere.
If you do feel like you need a bit more of a structure than saying Thursday I mop the floor, you can try time blocking – but again, that may be adding pressure to yourself so don’t do that if there isn’t any need.
A routine helps bring calm to our home and that’s exactly what we need.
It can help us make taking care of our home, meal planning, laundry and pretty much everything else we have going on in our lives a lot calmer and smoother.
Even taking care of ourselves.
We don’t need a perfect routine, we just need one that works for us.
Self-care is a part of a calm home
A calm home doesn’t just look and feel better, it’s a way that we can support ourselves and is a form of self-care.
A calm home helps us to feel less stressed and more in control, it helps us feel like we can cope better and allows us to actually relax and process everything going on in our life.
But at the same time, when we are feeling calmer and happier and more taken care of – we have more capacity to take care of our homes.
When we are tired and overwhelmed, everything just seems louder and messier and like it’s going to take a long time to sort out and clean and tidy, and when we are feeling burnt out then even simple tasks can feel like too much.
That’s why taking care of yourself is so important – it helps in all areas of your life.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life, and spend hours in the gym and suddenly only drink green juices.
Simple things like:
- going to bed a bit earlier
- eating regular, balanced meals
- moving your body to release stress
- taking 5 minutes to do something for you
These things will make a big difference to how you feel and how well you can cope.
Having a calmer home is going to help you feel more regulated and less stressed and that is going to help you deal with the chaos of life a whole lot better, especially when it’s paired with taking time to look after you too.
Having a calm home will also benefit your family and help them feel less stressed and more regulated.
The bonus of having a calm house is that the less stuff you have, the less you have to do and the more time you have to spend on taking care of your own needs.
What to remember when life gets busy again…
I think the main point to realise here is that, life will get busy again.
There are going to be weeks where it feels like you are rushing around or there are illnesses or surgeries or whatever else comes up.
It’s inevitable that it is going to happen, because that is just life.
Setting up your home in a way that supports you is going to make life easier and help you cope with it all better when that does happen in the future.
Things like having a cleaning routine or a laundry routine in place help.
They may not be stuck to, you may miss a week of cleaning altogether, but missing a week or two isn’t going to cause your house to become THAT chaotic.
Having a routine means you know exactly what you need to do when life calms down a little bit, you can just jump right back into your routines and within a few days you will be back on track again.
Everyone has to reset sometimes.
When life gets busy your home is just one less thing to stress about.
Or maybe life isn’t that busy but you just feel a bit meh and don’t feel like keeping up with your routines, that is okay too.
That isn’t failing, that’s listening to your body and that’s important too.
Just remember, you don’t need to overhaul your entire life to have a calm home, just start small.
Small, supportive changes will help your home feel like it’s supporting you and not like somewhere you need to escape from.
What area of your home do you need to the most support with?
Beth x
