Christmas is such a magical time of year.
It also comes with a lot of pressure – especially for mums.
If you are a mum who also wants to be feeling that magical, warm and joyful christmas feeling but you are instead feeling a bit overwhelmed, then this blog post is for you.
This year I am choosing to have a calmer and more intentional christmas.
One that I enjoy as well.
Because Christmas is for us as much as it is for the kids.
If you are rushing around making sure that everyone else is going to have a fantastic christmas, but you aren’t doing any of the things that make christmas special for you then it’s going to be very hard to have a magical christmas.
At least for you.
I have no doubt that you will make it the most magical for your children.
If a calm and intentional christmas sounds like what you need too, let’s do it together.
The stress of christmas
There is such a lot of pressure at christmas – there is getting the presents, making sure that they are hidden and actually getting what it is that everyone has asked for.
The stress of trying to get one of those most-sought-for toys is on a completely different level.
I think I still have trauma from trying to get the LOL toys when they came out!
There is constantly things going on in the school, and raffle prizes etc to remember to take in.
Making sure you have enough medication, equipment etc to see you over christmas.
Trying to squeeze in light trails and see Santa and all the things.
Buying all the festive treats and food.
No matter what your life looks like…it’s just a lot.
I think it is important to remember that it is a stressful time of year and it’s not that everyone else has got it together more than you have.
No matter what some of the mums on social media might have you thinking!
Make sure that you are doing what works for your family
Christmas can be very over-stimulating.
If you have a sen child it can be a lot of sensory overload, normal routines are out of the window and it’s just busy and different.
It’s important to remember that you can do what works for your family.
The point of christmas is that everyone enjoys it and if that means that you have a low-key christmas and you skip the turning the lights on events and some of the other things going on because it doesn’t work for your family then that is more than okay.
If something is stopping you enjoy your christmas – change it.
A mum I was recently speaking to said that they don’t so suprises for christmas presents because their autistic child cannot cope with not knowing exactly what the plan is and that works for them.
They do that and have a good day, whereas if they tried to make christmas look the way it ‘should’ – their daughter wouldn’t have a good day and then nobody would have a good day.
Just do what works for you and your family.
You are doing enough
One of the things that can make christmas stressful is that there is a constant feeling of you are not quite doing enough.
You haven’t bought enough gifts or enough food.
You haven’t done enough christmas activities.
You should do more of this or more of that.
You are doing more than enough.
Your children are going to remember the feeling of Christmas more than what they actually had as gifts.
So take the pressure off yourself a bit.
What is a calm and intentional Christmas?
I think a calm and intentional christmas sounds a lot nicer than the under-pressure, stressed christmas that can happen if we aren’t intentional about it all.
So what is a calm and intentional christmas?
A calm and intentional christmas is one where we are letting go of the pressure and expectations of christmas and doing the things that are important and meaningful to us.
It’s making things a bit simpler.
How can we have a more calm and intentional christmas?
Think about your Christmas’s – the ones you have now and the ones you had when you were a child.
What do you remember about them? What was your favourite parts of them?
What do you look forward to every year?
Maybe you love putting a christmas film on while you wrap presents.
Maybe you look forward to wrapping up warm, going to get your favourite festive drink from the coffee shop and just going for a family walk.
Maybe it’s little things like christmas baking, making paper chains, festive movie night or going for a spin around the area to look at christmas decorations.
Maybe you love looking around the shops at the christmas decorations in a calm and not-stressed out way.
Then have a think about what stands out as something that you don’t enjoy about christmas.
For me, I don’t enjoy how I get so stressed out trying to get everything done that I don’t actually take the time to do some of my favourite christmas things.
(Not this year though!)
The things that you don’t enjoy about christmas, don’t do them this year.
Or if you have got to do them – what can you do differently to make them less stressful etc?
If it’s overwhelming, think of three things that you love about christmas and make a point of doing them this year.
Let the rest be optional if you get around to it activities.
Make time for the slower moments
The slow and simple things – like having your favourite festive drink, or a festive movie night or having an afternoon reading your new christmas book are small, but they are the things that make christmas.
The thing with the smaller and simpler things is that we tend to just presume that at some point we will do them.
But life gets so busy at this time of year, and if we are not intentional about planning those things in – chances are they just won’t happen.
Make a point of adding them on to your calendar.
This doesn’t mean fitting in all the things, it means making time for the things that are important to you.
Remember that when you are saying yes to something that you might not really want to do, you are saying no to time for something that you want to do.
Simplify your christmas todo list
Even when we are just planning to do the important things, there is still quite a lot of things that are going to be on our todo list.
It is way too many things to have just in our heads, we can’t remember everything – so start with a brain dump.
Just get everything out of your mind.
Then get it planned out, when are you going to do each task.
Does everything actually have to get done?
Can you ask someone else to do one of those things on your task list?
Be intentional with your todo list as well.
Do you REALLY need to make a homemade cake when it completely stresses you out, or can you just buy one?
If doing all the veg for Christmas dinner ruins your day a little bit – just buy pre-chopped veg.
These things matter less than you think.
Create a calm home
The less stuff that we have in our home, the less overwhelming it is.
It also means we have less stuff that we need to do.
A pre-christmas declutter is always going to be a good idea, a lot of new things come into our homes and it’s a good idea to make some room for it beforehand.
If you just don’t have time to do a full-home declutter before the big day, then focus on those areas that will get more stuff/a bit chaotic.
Rooms like the playroom, kids bedrooms or the kitchen are a good place to put some focus on.
Winter is a good time to make your home cosy and the decorations being up make this a lot easier.
Have some candles burning – if you can’t for safety with little ones – there are some really nice battery candles you can buy now.
Get some fairy lights in those darker corners.
Just adding some fairy lights or candles about the place makes your home seem a lot more festive and it is calming too.
Just avoid the flashing disco mode that they seem to love putting on christmas tree light settings!
Keep your routines
Routines help us to feel calm and grounded.
It might be a little bit more difficult to keep our routines exactly the same, but having your routine in place – even loosely, is going to stop you becoming completely overwhelmed.
Stick to your cleaning routine as much as you can – you might not be able to do as much of a clean with the decorations up but just a quick clean will help.
Having your family routines in place will also help the kids from getting too overwhelmed.
It doesn’t mean you have to stick to the routine rigidly.
It just means there is a bit of a plan in place and it helps everyone know where they are.
Simplify Christmas gifts
The first question, do you really need to be giving gifts to so many people?
A few of my friends/family have decided we won’t do christmas presents anymore and honestly it’s a lot less pressure off of us all.
Yes it feels like a bit of an awkward conversation to have, but you will probably find that a lot people are happy to stop because they find it stressful too.
My advice is, when you are chatting about christmas and just how stressful it all is, just suggest maybe stopping buying gifts for each other/for each others children.
If they are dead against it then that is fine, just carry on if that is what you want to do.
But for a lot of people, especially not immediate family, it’s probably going to be more than okay.
Choose a present theme
When you are buying gifts for other people, it can make it easier to choose a theme.
Maybe everyone is going to have a game and some bubble bath.
Or everyone has a book and some chocolate.
Or everyone has a baking gift and a hot chocolate melt.
Just having a theme takes the pressure off a little bit because you know that that is what everyone is going to have.
I typically do this with any children that I am buying presents for, but it definitely works for adults too.
Keep a running gift idea list
On my notion app on my phone (I will eventually write a post about this!) I have got a page which has everyone on, and any time I think of a gift they would like or if they are talking about something they would like I just make a note on it.
It makes buying gifts a lot easier because you already have a bank of ideas.
It’s also nice to give everyone something that they actually want.
Something they want etc…
This isn’t something that I personally do, but I know a lot of people do this and swear by it.
It’s called the rule of 7.
To make christmas presents a bit easier they follow a theme of:
- something they want
- something they need
- something to wear
- something to read
- something to do
- something to eat
- something to share
If you buy more than 7 gifts (guilty!) then you could just follow this theme a couple of times so it makes it easier.
Go for quality over quantity
One way of making things a bit simpler as well is to just buy everyone something a little bit more expensive/better quality.
A really nice gift that they will really like is better than 5 gifts for the same price that honestly, aren’t that good.
Obviously stick to the budget – but one gift for £20 is going to be a nicer gift than 4 not-so-good gifts for £20.
It makes gift giving a bit simpler as well, it’s a lot easier to find one gift for everyone than multiple gifts for everyone.
Obviously if you are a quantity over quality person then you do you, this is your christmas after all!
The important thing to remember is that…
This is your christmas, do what works for you and your family.
Prioritise the things that are important to you and just leave the rest.
That is the secret for how you are going to have a good christmas – by making sure you are prioritising those little things that make christmas for you.
Remember you and your family don’t need a perfect christmas but a peaceful and calm one sounds very nice!
What are you going to do this year to make your christmas a bit calmer and more intentional?
Let me know!
Beth x
