Spending quality time together as a couple or going out for a date night becomes a lot harder when you have children.
Add in being a SEN or caregiving parent and it can seem impossible.
We are really lucky that our family all pulls together for us to have a weekend away every year, and we are really grateful for that.
We are really lucky that our family all pull together for us to have a weekend away every year, and we are really grateful for that. We know not a lot of parents in our situation are able to that.
You can have a look at our latest one here.
Even if you can’t go away for the weekend together, it’s still really important that we do things that help us remember that we are not just parents.
If you are a SEN mum, sometimes disrupting the routine of your home for a date night can sometimes seem like it’s going to be more effort that it’s worth – but it is worth making the time to spend together as a couple.
Making time for each other is important, especially in survival-mode seasons where are date night can seem like a far off dream.
You can still make the time for each other by having dates at home.
If there is one thing us SEN parents are good at, it’s thinking outside the box!
I hope this blog post gives you some ideas on things you can do and helps you remember that the little ways of spending ways together are just as important as those bigger periods of time.
Date ideas for when you can’t leave the house
Sometimes we just can’t go out for a date day or a date for whatever reason.
Maybe it’s an illness or no childcare or one of the other million other things that tend to pop up when we don’t want them to.
It doesn’t mean we have to abandon the idea completely.
Here are some ideas for those times that you can’t leave the house for a date:
- Movie night – get some snacks in and watch a movie together
- Have a date meal or get a takeaway
- Board game night
- Sit outside in the evening and have a drink together (doesn’t have to be alcoholic)
- Sit outside in the evening with a fire pit – make some s’mores or toast some marshmallows!
- Start a new series – this one works well because you can make a point of every week watching an episode or two
- Re-create some instagram trends. You don’t have to film it, just give it a go and see if you can do it.
- Have a future planning night – get some paper and some fun pens and map out the next few years together – what things would you like to do? Where would you like to go? etc
- Try something new – you can buy so many different kits online now, like pottery kits etc find one that you both fancy and have a go!
- Play a card game
- Have a video game night
- Have your own ‘paint and sip’
- Buy an at home escape room game or a murder mystery game
Date ideas for when you only have a few hours
If you only have a few hours, maybe it’s only a couple of hours or maybe you have to be home for the school run or an appointment etc you can still have a really good date!
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Grab a coffee and go for a walk
- Go for a meal or to a new food place that looks good
- Go out for a dessert or to a bakery
- Go to the garden centre
- Go to a local town or village and have a wander round like you are a tourist
- Go for a picnic lunch together
- Go for a breakfast date
- Go for a walk
- Go for a drive and get a coffee (or just a drive!)
- Go and eat some chips on the beach or an icecream
- Go for a walk around a local park
- Go bowling or to an arcade
Finding more time for dates
One of the things that we have started doing the last couple of years is every few months, James will book a day off or use some flexi time for us to go on a date day.
We usually end up in West Wales somewhere along the coastal path (it’s our favourite place) if we have someone to look after Anest after school because it’s quite far.
On the times that we don’t have child-care we go a little bit more local, or just go for lunch or something like that.
Maybe that is something that you could think about doing, could you or your partner book a day or two off work a year to just have a date day together.
I know that option won’t work for everyone, but it might be something that you haven’t thought of before.
Stop feeling guilty for date days
One thing that can stop us having date days/dates is that if we do have childcare, we feel like we have to be productive in that time.
If there is a few hours where we don’t have the kids, we feel like we have got to tackle that room or paint that room or finally sort out the attic/garden or whatever it is that has been on your list for a very long time.
But spending time together as a couple is an important thing to do too.
We shouldn’t feel guilty for it.
You are allowed to spend time together not being productive.
What if dates still seem impossible?
Sometimes, even a date at home might seem impossible.
Maybe it’s the season you are in, maybe you are in a surgery recovery season or your child is unwell and needs you constantly – whatever the reason, sometimes there are seasons where a date night just isn’t going to happen.
There are still ways that you can find to create connection as a couple – just focus on the little things.
Maybe making a point of having a cup of tea together and just chatting.
Watching an episode of someone on tv together instead of half watching/half scrolling.
Going for a spin in the car and just chatting.
Talking in bed.
Sitting outside together for just 10 minutes when everyone is in bed.
Chatting to each other whilst making dinner or folding laundry.
In some seasons, ‘dates’ might look a bit ordinary, but as long as you are connecting to each other that is all that matters.
I hope this helps give you some inspiration for date days!
Let me know if you have any other ideas!
Beth x