Feeling lost in motherhood? Discover why mums need hobbies, how they protect mental health, and why taking time for yourself isn’t selfish.
It’s a bit too easy to feel like we have lost ourselves in motherhood.
We spend our days taking care of everyone else’s needs, making dinner, doing laundry, possibly working or taking care of the home and whatever else we have to do that taking time for ourselves isn’t always easy.
When we do have free time, it’s usually spent catching up on all the things we haven’t got around to.
But if you had some actual free time, what is it that you like to do?
What are your hobbies?
Recently, I’ve been helping with filling in some forms for the kids and they always ask what their hobbies are.
What got me thinking, what are MY hobbies?
And honestly, other than a couple of things, I couldn’t really think of anything.
The things I could think of, other than 2-3 of them, I couldn’t even tell you the last time I did those things.
Which made me wonder are they even my hobbies any more?!
When was the last time you did your hobbies?
Why hobbies matter
It’s very easy – too easy – to lose ourselves in motherhood.
Having hobbies, or doing things for ourselves, is an easy to way to help us start feeling more fulfilled and feeling more like us again.
Our hobbies are part of our identity, and if we aren’t doing any of the things that we feel make up who we are – then things can feel a bit off.
Doing things or taking the time for our own hobbies and interests isn’t selfish – it’s an important part of self care.
I’ve said it a million times, but once more won’t hurt…
Taking care of yourself is a part of taking care of your kids.
It’s impossible to be the mum you want to be when you aren’t taking care of your own needs.
Doing things for us, like making time for our hobbies supports our mental health, our energy and emotional wellbeing.
It’s a really important part of making sure we don’t burn out.
Even small things count as doing things for us – like going to get a coffee from our favourite coffee shop, or just going for a look around the shops on your own or doing some reading.
They all count and really help in stopping you feel like you are losing who you are in motherhood.
It’s hard to feel like you, if you aren’t doing any of the things that make you feel like you
Lately, I was chatting with a friend about hobbies.
And we both realised that we don’t really have any more.
I’m not entirely sure at what point I stopped doing some of the things I enjoy doing, or why when they stopped they didn’t start again when life got a little less busy.
Some of those hobbies I’m not sure I would want to start again now.
So what ARE my hobbies?
What if I don’t know what my hobbies are
You may be the sort of person who knows exactly what their hobbies are.
If you aren’t sure, one of the best ways to think about what you like doing is to think about what you used to do as a child?
What did you used to love doing in your free time?
Going out on your bike? Climbing trees? Reading? Painting? Crafts?
Take 10 minutes to just write down anything you can think of.
How can you bring those into your life now?
Can you go out for a bike ride? Join a spinning class?
What specifically was it about riding your bike did you enjoy? Was it the cycling itself or was it the wind in your hair when you went fast?
If you enjoyed climbing trees can you try rock climbing?
If you loved making dens, make a den for your kids.
Did you like writing stories? or making up plays?
You don’t have to write the next best seller, take the pressure off yourself and just write for the fun of it.
You don’t even have to show anyone.
Or if nothing is springing to mind, have you seen any new hobbies you would like to try?
People are always posting fun things on instagram or social media – do you fancy any of the things that they are doing?
Think outside the box
A hobby or doing something for you doesn’t always have to be an activity like crafts or running.
There are a lot of different things that you can do for you.
Signing up for a course on a topic that you have always been interested in, or doing a creative writing course so you can finally do something about writing that book you’ve been thinking about.
Maybe you decide you would like to start a blog or start an online business.
Doing something for you means just that doing something for you.
It’s something that is just yours and helps you feel fulfilled in this motherhood journey.
What if I don’t have time for hobbies?
We don’t need to have hours and hours to work on our hobbies.
We just need small, regular pockets of time.
It doesn’t need to be this big ‘thing’, it just needs to be something that can fit into your life.
Overhauling your life to do anything, just won’t work.
It has to fit in.
You could have a craft session during nap time, or after everyone has gone to bed have an hour or half hour to do your things.
Read when you go to bed.
When you would normally reach for your phone to do a bit of doom scrolling – grab your book instead.
It’s weird how we seem to be fine with reaching for our phones and just going on there for 10 mins with everyone around – but if we went to grab our book and sit down for that same 10 minutes reading – we feel guilty about it.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for self-care.
It’s essential and honestly? You need to do it more.
Listen to a podcast while you go for a walk or while you are cooking.
Or listen to an online module of that course you are doing while you fold laundry.
If there is class or you want to join the gym or something like that, sit down with your partner and make a plan for it.
Or if you don’t have a partner could you do it while everyone is in school etc?
There are so many things that you can do from home now that if it’s just not possible for you then you can probably still do that thing you want to do!
Sometimes, we do tend to get in our own way and just presume we can’t do something when actually we can.
Not always, but sometimes.
Every now and then I will think that I can’t do something because Anest wouldn’t be happy that I’m leaving and what about dinner and this and that and this other thing.
But I could do it, yes the first few times she probably won’t be happy but it would work out and things can be worked around.
So make sure you aren’t blocking yourself from doing the things you want to do.
It also needs to be said that you probably need to spend less time on your phone because that will free up more time than you think for hobbies!
The benefits of doing things we enjoy
There are so many benefits to doing things for us.
We feel like we aren’t quite as lost in motherhood.
We feel more like us again.
Life is just nicer when we are taking time to do things for us.
We are happier and more patient and just in a better mood in general when we are making time for ourselves.
The fact that we are happier makes our entire home happier.
We are happier, so we have more patience and energy to be the mum that we want to be, so that means everyone else is happier.
We are more likely to get stuff done around the house and crossed off our todo list etc when we are in a higher-energy mood and that means that our home feels calmer, and so everyone else will feel that too.
Doing things for us, like having hobbies or just making time to do those things that we enjoy, is a really important part of making sure that we do not burn out.
It tends to be one of the things that gets neglected the most too because life is busy, but making a point of just fitting in a little bit of time everyday for something for you is going to make such a difference.
Some ideas of hobbies for busy mums
Still stuck?
Here are a few ideas of things to give you some insporation!
- Reading (or an audio book)
- Go for a walk
- Go for a walk with a podcast
- Gardening
- Cross-stitch/embroidery/sewing
- Crafts
- Paintting
- Jigsaw
- Yoga/Pilates
- Workout
- Do an online course – photography, creative writing etc
- Writing
- Blogging
- Baking
- Bird watching
- Join a club or a group you are interested in
I am going to write a blog post soon with a lot of hobby ideas – so watch this space!
Do an experiment
Do a little experiment, make a point of doing something for you and then see how you feel after it and for the rest of the day.
Then notice how that is different from the other days where you maybe don’t do quite as much for you.
It doesn’t need to be a big deal.
Just add something small in for you.
Your happiness as a mum matters too.
Beth x
